Promise and Protection

"Try to stay conscious of me as you go step by step through this day.  

My Presence with you is both a promise and protection."  

My daily devotion is reminding me each and every day that God has this.  I don't know how he does it but every day I read the passage and it COMPLETELY relates to what my life entails.  

I learned this week that a sweet woman from down south (mother of 3) was just given 6-12 months to live due to cervical cancer.  I learned about her via a Matilda Jane website.  My heart sunk, I wouldn't wish this news upon anyone.  I couldn't help but message her.  I told Miss Megan that I didn't have any words for her diagnosis, but I truly knew how she was feeling.  As a Mommy your only dream is for your children and when you are told that you may not be there for them....well your little world feels as though it is crumbling down.  

This whole diagnosis thing...has definitely got me thinking....

God works in so many amazing ways.  I am here today to say thank you for giving me my babies.  Thank you for giving me this life.  I am so incredibly thankful for the amazing people you have put into my world.  

Life is so precious, we are only given one opportunity.  Why does a scary Stage 4 Cancer diagnosis make it so much more real.  Why couldn't I have realized this without a stupid Cancer diagnosis.  

Well...maybe I am meant to show the world, that being kind and living each and every day to the fullest is what it is all about.  

My stomach hurts with all of the hatred and the distrust in this world.  (aka election time on facebook).  Don't worry....I will not go into who I support or who I do not.  (Fun fact my hubby and I support completely opposite people and we still love the heck out of each other :)  

My trust is in God.  I know that he has our back.

An update:  I had another appointment on Thursday.  The tumor in my breast is 1/2 the depth!!  I hadn't felt it for a while (I was mad at it) but was so surprised to feel the difference after just a month of the hormone medication!  I received my second dose of IV Zometa (bone medication) and my shot in the belly of Zoladex.....bring on the menopause and hot flashes.   Plan is to follow-up with a PET scan the beginning of December.  

This blog post may not make a ton of sense....but I am just letting the words fly out.  I want people to know that I am positive and optimistic about the future, but I also don't want to dismiss the real feelings that I have.  (Most of the time it has to do with being a Mommy).     

Each and every day, I am reminded of how amazing everyone is.  Whether it is the "check in" text messages, the events to raise money, the caring site, the comments, cards, and gifts.  We as a family are overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude.  Holy cow you people rock.

Ok.  Time for bed.  I am sure my 14 month old will not sleep in for Mommy just because I stayed up late.  The nice thing about having stage four breast cancer and having three small children....is life really doesn't change a ton....at least for now.  And that is what I love about this.  I am just Mommy to them, that's how I would like to keep it :)