My Baby Boy is ONE

Well Mr.  Harrison you are following your big brother and big sister in the sense that you are growing up way too fast for this Momma.  (Yes he is 13 months going on 14) but I wanted to post these adorable pictures that my girlfriend Kara took the other week.  It's amazing how it only takes 10 minutes to truly capture a child's personality.

Those baby blues

I love when he grabs on to your arm when you are holding him.
Even though he is always going 100 mph he holds on tight when you snuggle him.

Peek A Boo

Seriously....my heart is exploding!

Love love love this one.
This is what he does any time he sees a big truck or tractor!

The most common question we get Harrison is:
Where did he get his blue eyes and blonde hair!?
Well he wouldn't be Harrison Dean if he didn't do things a little different from his big bro and sis
And seriously...those dimples and baby blues are sooooo cute

yup...this is turbo baby....you give him 10 seconds and he is OFF!

I just wonder what this little man is thinking about here :)

I know as parents we always like to think about what their little personalities will bring to this world. I don't know exactly what Harrison is going to do....but I will tell you....he will do it at 100mph.  And as he is whizzing by he will flash those blue eyes and those dimples and people will fall in love.

I forgot to tell about the SNAKES

How could I have forgotten to write about our new friends....

As most of you know.  We sold our home in August.  We were planning on buying a lake property, but the stars didn't align and we were officially homeless the week before school started.

Well after my diagnosis, I wanted one thing and one thing only and that was a house to live in that feels like a home.

My sister-in-law Erin and my Mom went on a mission.  They found us a fantastic home.  In a great neighborhood, across the street from a park.  New carpet, appliances....etc.

Well.

We found out there are tenants that share the property with us.

SNAKES

I can honestly tell you I haven't seen a snake in 10 years.  Probably the last time was in college running cross country.

Well we have a family of them.  I don't want to even know the number....but there are A LOT of them.

We found out they were here the day we moved in.  (Our friends/family/neighbors helped us move).  And let me tell you it is a sight to see....when there are grown men high-knee sprinting down your driveway because of the snake sightings.

Our dear friends Kara and Joe Holman, instantly got a pit in their stomachs.  Ugh oh, was this some sort of bad omen for the Remme Family.  Especially after my diagnosis.

Well they did some research and found out quickly that these little "friends" of ours may be a very good sign.

I got a text from Kara with a screen shot from a book her mother-in-law has.

I am learning....

If a snake shows up in your life it generally means:  healing, transformation, life changes, spiritual guidance.

Well isn't that just fancy.

OK people.  No more googling Stage 4 Breast Cancer statistics.  BUT google away when it comes to snakes and their meaning.

I still refuse to use my front door.  AND I would not be upset if they leave our yard now that we got their message.  

Oh and just 2 weeks ago when I was on a walk with neighbors a slithery snake crossed our path.  Stopped on the side and just waited.  Yes we screamed, yes I swore, but once again.....a dang snake!  (15 miles away from our house!)  It still found me!

I feel great.  The back and hip pain are minimal now (go away silly tumors).  And again, we are just so overwhelmed with the amount of love coming our way.  I am so thankful for each and every one of you.  

I meet with my oncologist and the genetic counselor within the next 2 weeks.  (I told them I would love to "plateau" for a while)  No news, no change....(except for the better).  So no major update whe it comes to the C word.  But I thought this would be fun to share with all of you.  My trust is in research, providers, the treatment plan and God's love, but hey....it isn't horrible if we have some other signs pointing us in the "healing" direction!

When a snake appears in your life, it likely means that healing opportunities, change, important transitions and increased energy are manifesting.  

The medical symbol has 2 snakes entertwined...representing the god of medicine (in Greek mythology).  

Back to Blogging

Well, I haven't blogged since 2014.  I wish I was starting it back up for FUN reasons....BUT I get to start sharing updates about a silly thing called Breast Cancer.

For all of you that know me however, this blog will definitely serve the purpose of documenting our family memories, as it always has....just with a couple inserts here and there to make sure everyone has the latest and greatest info when it comes to my health.

To recap....

On September 1st, I saw my OB for a lump....a silly, icky lump that just seemed bigger since I had finished nursing Harrison.  Well, let me tell you, by the look on her face I knew it wasn't good.  I was in getting a mammogram within 2 hours and a biopsy 2 hours after that.  They didn't tell me it was breast cancer as we had to wait for the results to come back....but words like "this is very concerning" and it definitely resembles "cancer" was all we needed to hear.

If any of you are concerned about something a lump, a bump a whatever I highly recommend DO NOT go in before labor day weekend....because let me tell you, 4 days feels like an ETERNITY to wait.

Tuesday came, we got the call....it is in fact Breast Cancer.  Ductal Carcinoma, Estrogen and Progesterone positive and HER2 negative (more on that to come).

I don't even want to remember which day this was....and I probably blocked it out of memory for good reason, but I then went in for further imaging.  A breast MRI confirmed that there were spots on my sternum and my ribs.

.......Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer.......what?

There isn't even breast cancer in my family....I am 31....what?

I will spare you the details but my mind was racing.....I started googling (bad idea).  I called a support number I found online.  A very sweet woman from who knows where calmed me down.  She talked to me for an hour.  A woman I didn't even know.  She talked to me about her friends who are 14 years out (with stage 4).  She talked to me about how great it is that mine is Hormone Positive.  She talked to me about clinical trials and ALL of the medications out there for my cancer.

I started to breathe, and shift my focus.  I was scared and all I could think about was not being here for my babies.  Breathe.....Breathe.....Breathe.

A PET scan soon followed.  JUST in my bones......(we had to laugh that we were taking a positive every time we could get one!)

My oncology appointment went great, as you know I am a planner and a "do'er"  It felt good to come up with a plan.  I trust her.  I felt so good in her presence.  We have a plan.

This is where it gets confusing.

Stage 4 Metastatic CANCER.  LETS GET THIS BEAST.  CHEMO, RADIATION, MASTECTOMY LETS do this!

Yeah.....not the plan.  It has left my lymph system.  It is here to stay.  (remission is our goal).

Quality of life becomes extremely important now.  How can we tame the beast without making my life miserable.

We start with hormone treatments.  BRING on the menopause.  I take a pill a day (Tamoxifen) and an injection of Zoladex once a month to suppress my ovaries.  NO MORE Estrogen to feed the cancer.

We need to save the other tools in our tool box for later....when it gets smart and stops responding to the medications.

Fortunately, like I said earlier.....with my type of Breast Cancer we have options.  And when one med stops working you just pray there are more to try!

An emotional roller coaster...my mind wanders....but I think being a Mommy helps put me right back into normal life mode.   (You know that life before the C word came along).

We still haven't told the kids....I have some amazing books given to us by a dear friend.  Right now, that's my normal.  I am Mom.  Yes, eventually we will have to talk.  But right now I need this.  I need to just be Mom to them.  My hair will stay (for now), so no questions to answer when it comes to that.  I am sure they know something is up....but at this point they are going about their little lives as they always have.  Their Mom just may or may not be saying I love you a million more times a day and snuggling and kissing them 24-7.

That's my cancer update.

No .... Why Me?
No ..... This F'ing sucks
No ..... STUPID CANCER
No .... poor me

Because I can't go there.  My mind doesn't work that way.  (OF COURSE all of those things enter into my brain throughout a given day)  But I can't go there tonight.

Carpe Diem.  All of us have the same fate.  It's just a little scarier when you have an idea as to what yours is.  But NONE of us are guaranteed tomorrow.  I learned this from my Dad (passed away from a car accident at age 36).

He lived every day like it was his last.  He didn't know he was going to leave us too soon.  But I can guarantee he wouldn't have changed the way he lived, because he truly seized each and every day.

I cannot even begin to explain how AMAZING everyone has been.  We are in awe of the support and love.  I don't cry about the cancer anymore.  I am in tears EVERY single day when I think about all of you.  The cards, messages, hugs, prayers, meals, gifts, essential oils, help with moving, mowing the lawn, assembling our play set, help with car-pooling, comfy outfits, books, Harrison's Birthday Party, Gift cards, Coffee, Photography sessions....and last but definitely not least....the donations......  HOLY COW you guys rock my face off.  seriously.  Your are amazing and we are so thankful for everything.

Oh and one more really neat item:  While at dinner my Mom said my Dad came to her in a dream.  He stood there clear as day and said "The Meds are working."  My Mom said it was "too soon to know."  And he responded, "No i know."

And for all of you that knew my Dad .... He was ALWAYS right.  So lets just hold onto that.  I don't need silly statistics or research studies right now.  It makes my heart happy knowing that my Angels have my back.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11