Mixed Feelings

I have opened up this computer about 10 times since Friday.

And each time I just can't think of the words to say.

I had my scans on Friday morning.  We needed to change up the plan since Reesey got the stomach flu Wednesday morning (my original scan day).

And of course I got the bug on Thursday evening.  I was able to keep my CT contrast down and off I went to my scans.

My CT was in the morning, I was injected for my bone scan and then had a couple hours to wait.

I called one of my best friends (Sarah) who kept me company with coffee and a trip to the nail salon for a pedicure :)

Went back to Humphrey Cancer Center and finished with my Bone Scan.

The plan wasn't to see my oncologist, but she called into the imaging room to say she would like to see me after my scan.

Booooo....my stomach dropped.  You learn quickly that these "in person" visits might mean bad news.

She explained to me that she wanted to catch me and talk over my CT results in person before I saw it on my patient portal.

The CT contrast this time around was able to give us a good view of the solid organs.

There were two spots noted on my liver.

Ugh....

Stomach churning....

She began explaining that these two spots have been there from the beginning, they just didn't light up with my PET scans.

So, what does this mean.

IF these are cancer METS, they are stable and not active.

However, she did explain that they didn't light up on my two previous PET scans meaning they were not hyper-metabolic like cancer Mets are.

So, we pray and hope that they are just "spots"

I really in my head wanted to keep the cancer in my bones for as long as possible.  And if they were in my liver to begin with it just makes me a little sad and scared.

BUT, I was reminded by 2 of my Stage 4 sisters....It doesn't matter where this crap is....it is how well you respond with treatment.

And....for this I am thankful.

No progression, same treatment plan, scans in 3 months :)

UGH....that actually felt good to write down.

Now we move on.

I am not going to worry about "tomorrow"

I am going to live today.

Thank you for all of the prayers and well wishes this week.

xoxoxo - erin