I call this post... Word Vomit

I literally just googled ...  "the act of getting things out of your head."  As if that is some type of thing.  Like a delete button you can press to eliminate some of the petty thoughts, worries, daily tasks, frustrations, negative energy. 

It's a really good thing that I don't have much of the above, but please don't get me wrong I am not Wonder Woman.  I feel like these things slowly creep into my mind the week leading up to my scan.  I start to notice every ache and pain.  My hip starts to bother me immensley.  I start to play head games like...


I am super tired... oh my god it's the cancer

I don't have energy.... crap it's the cancer

My hip hurts... dang the cancer has awoken

There is a spot on the back of my head that is bugging me... holy crap brain mets

Why do I have hiccups.... OMG I have liver mets.



Thankfully I am surrounded by the most amazing people on the planet.  My community of family and friends is un-heard of and for this I continue to thank God for.  Because all of those things rushing around in my head seem to disappear when my peeps show up.  I love each and every one of you. 

I cannot begin to imagine going through this without you.

My scans are Wednesday. 

I am scared.

I am trying not to be.

I hate this feeling of being out of control.

I don't want to switch meds.

I like these ones.

I want to be "normal" again

So as I am writing this.  I notice one thing.  All of my worries started with I. 

So:

We got this.

We love so much it hurts.

We live each day like it's our last.

We make memories.

We hug, laugh, kiss, dance.

We support us.

We look to the sky and call on our guardian angels to blanket us in peace.

We can do anything.


I hope everyone knows how much I adore and love each of you.

Snow Angels for Erin on Instagram and Facebook.  SO FLIPPIN Cool!!  
Over $10,000 Raised for Stage 4 Breast Cancer Research!!  SHUT UP!!  you guys rock!
The STMA volleyball team raising over $3000 for our family!  SO generous and amazing!
Disney upgrading our family to the presidential suite!  
My family watching my babies so we could attend the Metsquarade in SW Florida.
Friends traveling with us to Jamaica....priceless memories.
My Beautiful Birthday Party thrown by my beautiful coworkers.  
My best friend taking pictures of my baby girl in my wedding dress.  love.
The best daycare gal around who drops anything to help watch turbo when needed.
Our families who constantly are re-arranging their lives to help support us and our busy schedule, making it possible to travel and make memories!
And don't forget the endless amount of texts, cards, support, and gifts that we have received.


We are blessed and we are loved.

Wow.

I think I just did it.

I deleted everything.

Well everything bad.

I am holding on to each and every one of you.

Thank you ....

I will keep you all posted with my results. 

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

xoxoxoxoxo
Erin